Finalmente posso andare (eng. Finally I can go) is a visual diary and stream of consciousness that recounts my coexistence with the death of my grandmother and my aunt.

It all happened during Italy’s first lockdown due to Covid19, in 2020.
The virus had nothing to do with their passing but it became the obstacle between me and my family.

I lost them, but it’s like I couldn’t live that loss, I couldn’t process what was happening. I didn’t have the chance to say goodbye in person even if my grandma was just half an hour away from me. I was locked in my house with my brother and two important parts of us had just left.

I started looking for a way to express this emptiness, it was the only thing I could do.

I grew up surrounded by nature – my grandparents live in the Umbrian mountains – it always reassured me somehow and I felt like I could talk about these experiences through it.

I couldn’t go out so I brought nature to me.

I started searching in my photographic archive and that’s when this visual diary was born. After almost three years I still find, most of the time unknowingly, glimpses of them in my daily life, in our spaces and in the people that are close to me.

I realized that I’m just trying to create the farewell I couldn’t give but that we all deserve.

All images ©Cinzia Laliscia